There's no underestimating the importance of facial hair in the world of technology. Look no further than the research of a man named Tamir Kahson, who in 2004 discovered the inseparable link between beards and programming languages.
As Kahson so artfully demonstrated, a programming language is only as successful as the beard on the face of the man who designed it. Clearly, women are exempt the laws of tech facial hair. In Silicon Valley, the beard is everything. But not just any beard. You must carefully grow your facial hair to suit your particular role in the tech ecosystem.
Here's Wired's Field Guide to Facial Topiary in the Tech Workplace.